Second Chances Girl - a Miami family and lifestyle blog!: I'm Happy With Providing My Kids "Options"

Thursday, June 25, 2015

I'm Happy With Providing My Kids "Options"

Parenting choices are very personal. Everyone parents differently and has different ideas on how to raise their children. As long as your children are happy, respectful and well-adjusted, I say, continue raising them as you see fit. I often get criticized by how I have chosen to raise Adrian because I give him "freedom to choose." This is not the norm for Hispanic parents. Hispanics tend to want to dominate over their kids. "You do as I say" kind of mentality. That is how I was raised and I always said to myself, the day I have kids, I will provide choices.

I have always provided options for Adrian, ever since he was a baby. I put out two different choices and he decides on what he wants. This goes with clothing, food, sports, games, pretty much everything. I figure this has allowed him to learn how to make decisions and I still get to pick what I think is appropriate for him. For example, every morning for breakfast I ask him "Adrian, would you like a grilled cheese or eggs and toast?" This way he isn't having pizza (his preferred choice) for breakfast and I can make sure he eats breakfast (which is quite the task, he is not a breakfast person!)

I read this the other day and it just felt so right:

I don’t want my kids safe and comfortable. I want them BRAVE. I don’t want to teach them to see danger under every rock, avoiding anything hard or not guaranteed or risky. They are going to encounter a very broken world soon, and if they aren’t prepared to wade into difficult territory and contend for the kingdom against obstacles and tragedies and hardships, they are going to be terrible disciples.

I don’t want to be the reason my kids choose safety over courage. I hope I never hear them say, “Mom will freak out,” or “My parents will never agree to this.” May my fear not bind their purpose here. Scared moms raise scared kids. Brave moms raise brave kids. Real disciples raise real disciples.” 
― Jen Hatmaker

My ultimate parenting goal is to raise good citizens. I want to raise, kind, respectful, brave, assertive, productive members of society. I know that the things I am doing now will help my kids in the future, even if they think I am the most horrible mom on the planet. I do not expose them to things I feel are inappropriate but I also do not shield them from the world around them. They are not always by my side, I let them walk ahead and explore. Like in the quote above "I don’t want my kids safe and comfortable. I want them BRAVE. I don’t want to teach them to see danger under every rock, avoiding anything hard or not guaranteed or risky."  I encourage them to ride the scary ride, to stand in front of the class and present their project, to defend each other, to wear what they are comfortable in even if others don't like it and most importantly to ask questions!

They know they can ask me any question and I will answer as best I can. I've gotten everything from "What is gay?" to "Why is this person in my class so mean?" to "When can I have a girlfriend?" and "Why is your skin brown and ours is white?" Yup all those from children who are curious. I answer their questions honestly and in a way an 8 and 9 year old can understand. They won't always be little, so I let them be little. I don't believe in gender-specific roles so they have been raised to know that anyone can grow up to be whatever they want. I'm a stickler for good manners though so I better hear many "Please and thank-you's" along the way! I'm happy with providing options and freedom of choice. It's worked for us so far and will continue to be our parenting choice in the future!

1 comment:

  1. I love your parenting!
    Scarlet is also not a breakfast person so I do have to provide options - whether they are waffles or grilled cheese! Whatever works!
    I think giving options has really helped Des come into his own. His chest all puffs up with pride because he makes his own choices!



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